The Bologna Blog

a blog about all of the "bologna" in our minds that lead to writing.

Posts Tagged ‘feedback

The End of Creative Writing

with one comment

So, today is the last day of my creative writing class. I have to say, I am glad I wasn’t planning on going in that direction for my Writing Arts major. I don’t know if it was the teacher or me, but my spirit has been broken when it comes to writing creatively. I don’t like sonnets, or found poems or sound poems, and I don’t want to force my creativity by writing 3 journal entries a week. It’s not my style. But still, I did get some good feedback with my work, and also some not so amazing feedback, which also upset me. A teacher shouldn’t tell you the RIGHT way to write descriptive. Every writer has their own style, and if they and their readers are happy with it, that should be enough. Today’s writing style is a new way to write, not the only way to write. For your viewing pleasure, here are some links to 3 of my pieces.

The first piece is a project that I previously spoke about in my blog. Here is the very long comment I got on the back page of my paper:

“The End” is crossed out.

There is no trigger for the dad to change his mind. Maybe the art teacher brings over Lizette’s portfolio, or he misses her and goes into her room and sees copies of her application materials- the artwork, the letters, the resume- and realizes that she is really talented. Maybe someone else in the art field tells him how talented she is. Then he has to acknowledge that an MD was his dream, never hers.

It would be nice if there were a symbol of Dad’s change of heart- maybe he tells her on the phone that a surprise is coming, and its tickets to the Picasso show opening at MOMA.

You’ve done what I told you, and put in lots of action and dialog tags. However, some of the action is mundane and should be skipped over. Do we need to know the woman went into her should bag, pulled out a manilla envelope and handed it to Liz? Why not just she handed Liz a manila envelope. All of the extra actions drag the story. Use your details for meaningful actions.

Also, group your actions and dialouge tags. Sometimes when you have an action, you don’t need the tag.

I crossed out all the interruptions (ok, well,oh,yeah, and names). You’ll find the text reads fine without them. They become annoying to a reader. Ok for spoken but not ok for written conversation.

Don’t tell the reader how or why the characters do things. Part of the fun of reading is is figuring those things out. Show how through actions; show why through context.

Liz and Jane are overly cheery sometimes, praising each other. You could do more with Jane’s financial situation (her reaction). Mrs. Holinday is clueless.

You use setting well to advance the plot and show character.

Voice is overly wordy (narrator). Simplfy. Liz and Jane could be more distinguishable from each other.

I don’t think the scholarship should fall into her lap. Besides that, the trigger and the symbol, plot is effective.

I think you’re still feeling your way with new techniques and haven’t quite found the right balance yet. This is keeping your writing from sounding light and natural. Ease up a little and trust your natural voice a little more.



Written by augeregua

December 10, 2009 at 6:51 PM

Posted in Writing Arts

Tagged with , , , , ,